So for everyone who knows me, I’m usually more of a private person. I keep personal feelings to myself, struggles and insecurities locked inside. Of course I’ll make a side comment here and there and on occasions I’ll let my guard down for just a little while… but for the most part I keep to myself.
As much as I want to tell people, as much as I want to let it all out – I was to stay strong. Or at least look it. Even if I was struggling inside. So many people depend on me to stay strong and independent, and I feel like I’d be letting them down by showing that I’m hurting too.
In the past few days I’ve been quite “down”. Not actually sure how I’ve felt. Loss in motivation, interest, lack of sleep, lack of confidence/self-worth, spontaneous bouts of emotional breakdowns, irritability, frustration…. oh and enormous amounts of stress. That about sums it up. I just feel slightly overwhelmed with everything at the moment and there are so many factors that contribute. I’m not sure how to fix it or how to get better – but I look to God that he will guide me and I trust that everything will be ok. (I’m still hopeful – good sign right?) I dont say this to get sympathy/pity, but I guess I just wanted to admit that to myself – that I might not be ok right now.
For those who dont know (probably most) I live interstate away from my family for university (Medicine) and away from my bf (long distance since last year). It’s been a long couple of years and still a long couple years more. The stress and loneliness is a bitter pill to swallow and sometimes it can be overwhelming. I guess it’s just one of those phases that I hope will soon pass; but I guess not anytime soon.
I honestly never saw myself coming down this road… to post such a personal entry on a very public forum. However after reading Shirley’s past posts from meek-n-mild (http://www.meek-n-mild.com), it inspired me to come forward, to be brave and to write how I feel.
I’ve always been keen on documenting my thoughts and feelings – whether on paper or typed out. I used to own a livejournal way back when. And I used this as a refuge – everytime I was unhappy or happy, sad or angry. I would just write it all out. Then once I was done, I’d private the post.
But this time, I think I want to take a step forward and share them with you. I want to make my blog more personal, not just another extension of by beauty/fashion interests – I want it to be a time capsule of my life. WOAH, just calm down there June! (A bit dramatic right?)
So I know not everyone will read this – thank god. But I guess I just wanted to give you an insight into my life and myself; who I am and that not everything is handy-dandy.
Well if you read all of that junk, I commend you. And I appreciate it. I dont even know if I’ll end up publishing this or privatising (is that a word?) it after a while… Still not sure. Let me know if you prefer me to remain personal – but I guess you can always scroll past this if you’re not interested.
Anyways, have a great rest of your week everybody and I’ll go back to finishing my presentation now (which I’m deathly afraid of because I hate public speaking).